I always feel homesick for my mission during any and all holidays—and this Easter isn’t any different. I have found myself reflecting on the ideas of fresh starts and growth (which seems like a fitting time to update friends and family on my life from the last few years.)
Around this time of year 3 years ago I was sitting in Sunday School in Kauai when the Spirit hit me extremely hard. Our Sunday School teacher that day was teaching about Jesus and how he loved people regardless of social status, ethnicity, race, etc. The phrase “Jesus loved regardless” repeated in my head over and over again, day after day, month after month. I didn’t realize at the time the importance that phrase would have in my future.
Fast forward to April 1, 2022:
My dad had gathered us kids together to tell us that he was gay. I cried. Questions began to stir in my head: How could someone hide that part of them for so long? Why is he telling us this now? What does this mean for our family? And then I remembered that phrase from Sunday school, “love regardless.” My heart began to turn those questions into statements: I love my dad. I am so glad he could finally live an authentic life. He has fought this for so long. I can’t imagine the mental taxation this has had on him. I admire his courage. I love him.
This event had changed the trajectory of my life and the lives of my family members. At first we all felt broken in different ways and with that came different approaches to healing. As people made certain choices that were hard for me to adjust to I continually reflected on the phrase “love regardless.” It’s not my place to judge, and I soon recognized that everyone is entitled to do what they personally feel is right. I can’t choose for other people, but I can choose to “love them regardless.”
July 15 & 16, 2023:
A year later and we all were still trying to adjust to the family dynamic as my parents were now divorced. We all thought we were doing okay. Then my mom, sister, cousin, and I were hit by a driver who was under the influence while visiting family in Southern Utah. What was supposed to be a celebration for my cousin, turned into a nightmare. My dad drove down and cried tears of gratitude for our safety, only for him to be in the ER the next day after falling and splitting his head open. That day there were lots of heightened emotions which revealed that we hadn’t done the healing needed like we thought we did. As we gathered as a family Sunday night my mom said, “I think God had to literally flip my life upside down so that I can gain a new perspective and learn to love regardless.” There it was again—LOVE REGARDLESS. The phrase that I had kept in my back pocket since 2021. A phrase that I clinged to when nothing else seemed to be going right.
Now here I am in 2024, sitting in my mom’s new house in Southern Utah—reflecting on Jesus’s example to love regardless and how it has helped me get through some tough moments. As I have tried to love as He did, I have found peace with myself, have grown in ways I didn’t know I needed, but most importantly I have found a deeper love for those I come into contact with. Religious or not, I hope that we can all strive to “love regardless,” and that in doing so we can give people the love and understanding that is craved by all.
If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read. I am glad to finally be able to share all that has gone on in my life in a way that I felt comfortable with.
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