roommate photos, state fairs, & stargazing

This week was so much fun! I have never stayed out so late on multiple nights:) We decided to go get roommate photos done so that we can have photos on the wall above our couch in the apartment. Our neighbor Nolan came over and hung out with Bella and I while we were getting ready. We had some good laughs when we put Bella's hair extensions on. He looked like he really fit in with Sanpete County. When we got to the photo shoot, we were so excited. Our photographer was such a cute girl and she caught some of the best moments we had as roommates. 

After the shoot we all went back and changed our clothes before meeting up with our friends at the state fair. We watched the rodeo and had so much fun together. As we were leaving Bella and I freaked out when we saw a man holding a baby pig. It was the cutest thing I had ever seen!

 

To end our weekend.we all went up to our own little stargazing spot. We ended up being up there until almost 2 in the morning. It was a night to remember, and I am excited for the starry nights to come.

sophomore year!!

Well I have officially moved back into B8 this year and couldn't be more excited. I am hoping to find a new confidence and self-love. I was still nervous about moving in and being away from home and my resources for help, but when Autumn showed up and jumped in my arms I was so excited for what was to come. I couldn't wait to room with her and some of our other friends. 

The first day went a lot smoother than I expected. It was so fun to walk with Autumn and Bella (my new roommate). Bella and I realized very quickly that we were pretty close to the same person. It feels so good to already be so close with my roommates. We all had such a great first day.

Later this week I joined Aut and Jen for an adventure around Ephraim. We decided to take advantage of the nice weather before we were loaded with homework. We took our hammocks to the park and just had fun relaxing and laughing. Afterwards we went up the canyon and found a really cool spot that had a flat water tower. We hung out up there and danced around the tower for a bit before heading back to the apartment.

It felt so fun to be out doing things instead of feeling discouraged and bored in my room. I loved every minute of this first week and I can't wait to see what other adventures are in store for the girls of B8!

new adventures, anxieties, & learning opportunities

This summer has been one of the most difficult three months of my life. It was hard for me to think that I could go from being so happy to so joyless. I felt as though I would wake up and just exist-- with no feelings, no thoughts, no purpose. I felt like I was just hanging on to get through life. I never would've thought that I would be on a journey that led to medications and therapy. I never imagined I would suffer from anxiety and depression; yet here I was. It's hard to write my thoughts down when I don't exactly know how I feel about it still. I finally decided to get help from a doctor in June, and still I am trying to piece together everything that causes my anxiety. 

Going through anxiety and depression is a learning curve. Some days I wake up and feel like I can do anything. Other days I want to hide in my covers and do absolutely nothing. I feel unmotivated and yet my brain is going 100 miles per hour, and I begin to tell myself that I am lazy or stupid. I feel worthless. I feel like I should be doing something, or helping someone. Yet I can barely keep my own head above water. Since being on medication, I have found that I am doing better. Slowly I am getting back to the person I want to become-- my true self. 

Looking back on some of my favorite summer memories, I wish I could say that my smile was genuine. Sometimes it was! But sometimes it wasn't. Even though I am currently trudging my way through the quicksand that is anxiety and depression, I am so grateful I have supportive friends and family pulling me back up. They haven't let me sink, and they never will.